I’m having to relearn appropriate eye contact after the Year of the Mask.

On video, we haven’t been looking anyone in the eye. Our gazes are just slightly off depending on camera placement. 

In masks, we tend to move along quickly and from a distance of course. And even if we’re engaged 1:1, the eyes aren’t enough. We’re mainly straining to hear through the fabric and taking cues from hand gestures. (If we do stare, it’s from the shock of that person still wearing the mask below the nose. I mean, come on.)

I’ve had two no-mask, post-vax interactions with non-family in the last few weeks. Outdoors.

In the first meeting, I was super awkward. My eyes locked in on his like a scope while we sat 6 feet apart, both leaning in. I don’t think I blinked once. I froze up, self-conscious. I thought, “Donna, you’re staring. Look at something else.  No, wait, don’t look away now. He’ll think you’re distracted and not listening. Blink, silly, blink.”  I caught myself not listening because I was overloaded with three-dimensional stimuli. I apologized for staring, that I needed to brush up on my social skills. We laughed.

In the second encounter, I entered with the intention of “don’t stare this time.”  Of course, if you tell yourself to NOT do something, you DO that something. This type of self-talk is uniquely unhelpful. I chattered in my head, “Do I have any spinach from the breakfast omelette in my teeth? I forgot to put on lipstick. I left the mints in the car.” I confessed upfront that I’m working on my post-vax social skills, that I’ve forgotten how to make appropriate eye contact. We laughed and started walking. That helped. You can’t stare at someone’s eyes and walk side-by-side at the same time. A walking talk is like training wheels for riding back into unmasked communication.

So maybe for the next few months, I’ll have only walking meetings as I ease back into three-dimensional, human interaction. Being unmasked is now the new awkward.