I called someone an ‘overachiever’ last week. It was meant as a compliment for all the successes this person had realized-–professional accolades, community contributions, personal milestones.

My words plagued me for days after. Did I really give that person a compliment when I said that? 

Over-anything is usually not a good thing.

• Over…do it

• Over…the top

• Over…heat

• Over...the hill

• Over…time

• Over…cooked

• To be over it

‘Overachieving’ has a negative undertone, doesn’t it? It’s as if I’m saying what you did was too much. You’re too competitive. You’re elbowing others to get to the top. As if to say, “You’re a bit much. Chillax.”

What I should have said was, “Congratulations on all of those achievements you’ve worked so hard for.” Or, “Of all those wonderful goals, which are you most proud of?”

I love words, so this got me thinking about the flip side: underachiever. We usually use this term when someone is doing just enough to get by, not excelling at anything. But what if the person isn’t excelling because they are trying something new and different, something they aren’t naturally good at? Could underachieving be more an indication of personal growth and curiosity? If you expect to excel at everything, you’re less likely to try truly new things.

Knowing words are powerful, I called my ‘overachieving’ friend to apologize. 

Me: I’m sorry I called you an overachiever. With that term, I undercut all of your hard work and perseverance.

Friend: Thank you for saying that.

Me: Of all those goals you’ve met, are you proudest of any particular one?

Friend: My time had always been everyone else’s. So, carving out time for my health goal is the one that makes me the most proud because it was the hardest.

Overachiever? Underachiever? How about grower, evolver?